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The GREATLY REDUCED Story
(C) Edward Ordman 1999
In the late 1990's my wife and
I drove from Memphis to Kansas City, Kansas, to attend a granddaughter's
7th birthday party. On our way there we passed through Hardy,
Arkansas, a delightful little tourist trap of a town that we recommend
highly. We passed it at an hour when stores were closed, but stopped for
a walk on the main street (at our age, a walk every hour or so is essential
during a long drive). One store there had a large sign in the
window. "BIG SALE. Large Stock of BIBLES. All GREATLY REDUCED".
As we drove along, we realized
that this was the religious revelation our country had been waiting for.
The Church of the Greatly Reduced Bible will meet the spiritual needs of
all our country's citizens, from the lowest to the highest. Even our busiest
national leaders will have time to observe the Five Commandments
and avoid committing the Three and a Half Deadly Sins . (We had difficulty
at first with the idea of a fractionally deadly sin. We stopped worrying
about it when we started working out the doctrine of the Greatly Reduced
Trinity, which will in any event require Improper Fractions).
During the first few days at our
daughter's house, we spent a great deal of time with our three grandchildren
(ages 3 to 7) and many of their friends. A birthday party, a swimming party,
and so on. So we were too busy to expound our new religious doctrine for
several days. But in due course, we explained The Church of the Greatly
Reduced Bible to our daughter and son-in-law.
Lest anyone feel that
God does not actively concern Himself with the founders of new religious
movements in this modern age, I assure our readers that within a
few hours of our first explaining our new religious revelation to others,
my wife and I were BOTH stricken down and had visions. Now, in her case,
the fainting and visions followed the vomiting and diarrhea, and in my
case the fainting and visions preceded the vomiting and diarrhea,
but the elevated temperature was virtually the same in both cases, and
in both cases the illness responded well to our ceasing to preach, getting
plenty of bed rest, and a diet that was also GREATLY REDUCED.
Yes, we have An Appropriate Hymn
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