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                     The GREATLY REDUCED Story

(C) Edward Ordman 1999

        In the late 1990's my wife and I drove from Memphis to Kansas City, Kansas, to attend a granddaughter's 7th  birthday party.  On our way there we passed through Hardy, Arkansas, a delightful little tourist trap of a town that we recommend highly. We passed it at an hour when stores were closed, but stopped for a walk on the main street (at our age, a walk every hour or so is essential during a long drive).  One store there  had a large sign in the window.  "BIG SALE. Large Stock of BIBLES. All GREATLY REDUCED".
        As we drove along, we realized that this was the religious revelation our country had been waiting for. The Church of the Greatly Reduced Bible will meet the spiritual needs of all our country's citizens, from the lowest to the highest. Even our busiest national leaders will have time  to observe the Five Commandments and avoid committing the Three and a Half Deadly Sins .  (We had difficulty at first with the idea of a fractionally deadly sin.  We stopped worrying about it when we started working out the doctrine of the Greatly Reduced Trinity, which will in any event require Improper Fractions).
       During the first few days at our daughter's house, we spent a great deal of time with our three grandchildren (ages 3 to 7) and many of their friends. A birthday party, a swimming party, and so on. So we were too busy to expound our new religious doctrine for several days.  But in due course, we explained The Church of the Greatly Reduced Bible to our daughter and son-in-law.
         Lest anyone feel that God does not actively concern Himself with the founders  of new religious movements  in this modern age, I assure our readers that within a few hours of our first explaining our new religious revelation to others, my wife and I were BOTH stricken down and had visions. Now, in her case, the fainting and visions followed the vomiting and diarrhea, and in my case the fainting and visions preceded the vomiting and diarrhea,  but the elevated temperature was virtually the same in both cases, and in both cases the illness responded well to our ceasing to preach, getting plenty of bed rest, and a diet that was also GREATLY REDUCED.

Yes, we have An Appropriate Hymn

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